Momma Jon't Know Dack!

My life with a miswired brain, a home business, and a 2-yr old.


Guardian Angel?

Good afternoon everyone. I have a rather serious post for you all today. Momma is a little freaked and touched right now.
I returned home from my parents’ house several hours ago, waved at the neighbor across the street pulling weeds, and backed into my spot. I’m not in the house 5 minutes and I see several ambulances, a fire truck, and State Highway Patrol fly by my house and then apply brakes…I’m curious now.
I walk out in the front yard and see my neighbor just staring down the road. Traffic is stopped and no cars coming from the other direction. I walked over to her and as I was asking what was going on she throws her arms around me and says, “The car just 10 seconds behind you caused a 5 car accident…it doesnt look too good.” I got chills…and so sick to my stomach….she looked at me and said, “Honey…if you had been just 10 seconds later….oh lord, you have someone very awesome watching over you”
We hugged…and even though I am not religious we prayed for all involved with tears in our eyes. I then ran back inside, scooped up Jack and just held him. He was in the car with me on my way home. If anything would have happened to him I don’t know what I would do with myself. I sat there and cried as I watched 3 of the cars were towed away, completely totalled. The last of which had a baby seat hanging out of the mangled door/window. I almost got sick because that could have been us!
I do believe someone was watching and helped me leave my parents’ house at that time and not a second later. My mind is going crazy right now with all the what if’s. I am really aslo feelong my grandparents right now and my baby cousin Savannah…ah…such love!
So the point of me telling you all of this is to please hug your son, daughter, mother, father, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend and tell them that you love them so much. You really do just never know what could happen…..none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.
Love you all,



He sharted Aunt Andrea!

Hello all! I know you missed me yesterday and I’m sorry. I was too busy being ALONE and drinking a Jamaican Me Happy and watching Bride-Day Friday!!!! I’m so sick….

I was telling my family that I needed to set up for my big launch party for Damsel on Saturday (today) and my brother GENEROUSLY offered to keep Jack overnight. I hopped in that goddamn car and ran him over. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kid but mommy needs a break now and then. So I’m going along cleaning my house….btw did you know that Windex cleans your freaking microfiber??? MIND BLOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (someone remind me and I will cover that another day )

So, I’m cleaning away (drinking and watching more television) and I get a text from my nieceImageAh….the lovely duck faces 🙂 You can’t help but to smile at this 🙂 I then start to feel like a bad mom because I am not with him…shortlived, I grabbed another Jamaican Me Happy. I get back to writing on my business cards and my order forms and realize, damn…I want pizza. Awesomeness for me, noone delivers and I’m too fucking lazy at this point to go get any. *DING DING DING!* I has the ingredients to make zis pizza!!! I just made it on lavash bread…ermahgawd….

So I ate the pizza, finished the 3rd beverage and just hit the hay….i know…i boring, until the old man comes home…he tries getting frisky with me at 730 in the morning………………..he thinks just grabbing my boob is a turn on…………………………………………dafuq????………….men!

Ok, woke up, got dressed, finished cleaning up for this party and everyone is here, I’m starting my shpeel (sp?) I don’t fucking care…whatever…and my niece yells…oh my god, Jack sharted Aunt Andrea….I say what? and she yells HE SHARTED, HE JUST REALLY SHARTED!! So now I’m embarrassed and cracking up so hard I’m crying!…I made the old man change the diaper (damn I’m evil) but..that was my funny moment…besides my mom and my 2nd cousin duking it out over who has the most crap in their purse….God I love my family. Never a dull moment…if you have ever been around me and heard my verbal dyslexia…you’d get a kick out of my mom…I will have to tell the halle-fuckin-lullah story someday…someone remind me 🙂

Ok, just wanted to share that tiddybit with you all…I’m off to bed. The first person to ask me a question about me, my life, etc will have it as a topic tomorrow…lets see who it is :-


Love, Momma