Momma Jon't Know Dack!

My life with a miswired brain, a home business, and a 2-yr old.

He sharted Aunt Andrea!

2 Comments

Hello all! I know you missed me yesterday and I’m sorry. I was too busy being ALONE and drinking a Jamaican Me Happy and watching Bride-Day Friday!!!! I’m so sick….

I was telling my family that I needed to set up for my big launch party for Damsel on Saturday (today) and my brother GENEROUSLY offered to keep Jack overnight. I hopped in that goddamn car and ran him over. Don’t get me wrong, I love the kid but mommy needs a break now and then. So I’m going along cleaning my house….btw did you know that Windex cleans your freaking microfiber??? MIND BLOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (someone remind me and I will cover that another day )

So, I’m cleaning away (drinking and watching more television) and I get a text from my nieceImageAh….the lovely duck faces 🙂 You can’t help but to smile at this 🙂 I then start to feel like a bad mom because I am not with him…shortlived, I grabbed another Jamaican Me Happy. I get back to writing on my business cards and my order forms and realize, damn…I want pizza. Awesomeness for me, noone delivers and I’m too fucking lazy at this point to go get any. *DING DING DING!* I has the ingredients to make zis pizza!!! I just made it on lavash bread…ermahgawd….

So I ate the pizza, finished the 3rd beverage and just hit the hay….i know…i boring, until the old man comes home…he tries getting frisky with me at 730 in the morning………………..he thinks just grabbing my boob is a turn on…………………………………………dafuq????………….men!

Ok, woke up, got dressed, finished cleaning up for this party and everyone is here, I’m starting my shpeel (sp?) I don’t fucking care…whatever…and my niece yells…oh my god, Jack sharted Aunt Andrea….I say what? and she yells HE SHARTED, HE JUST REALLY SHARTED!! So now I’m embarrassed and cracking up so hard I’m crying!…I made the old man change the diaper (damn I’m evil) but..that was my funny moment…besides my mom and my 2nd cousin duking it out over who has the most crap in their purse….God I love my family. Never a dull moment…if you have ever been around me and heard my verbal dyslexia…you’d get a kick out of my mom…I will have to tell the halle-fuckin-lullah story someday…someone remind me 🙂

Ok, just wanted to share that tiddybit with you all…I’m off to bed. The first person to ask me a question about me, my life, etc will have it as a topic tomorrow…lets see who it is :-

Gnight!

Love, Momma

 

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Author: Momma Jon't Know Dack

Well...I'm a...mom! With a home business, a 2 yr old son, Jack, and an inability to speak without sounding like a drunk. I call it verbal dyslexia... i take the beginning of two words and mix them up, like "that bunk is jad" instead of "that junk is bad". I aim for lots of laughs, lots of love and lots of posts of my superly awesome sauce days. No doubt you'll enjoy. Love, Momma

2 thoughts on “He sharted Aunt Andrea!

  1. Omg, I’m laughing so hard over here!!! Kids, am I right? Oh, and why do men thing grabbing a boob means you instantly want to have sex with them? I just don’t get it. I was just telling a couple friends last night that I don’t get why men like to send pictures of their dicks to women. You want me to instantly stop talking to you and never want to speak to you again? Do that. Also, I like your verbal dyslexia. We both have it!

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