Momma Jon't Know Dack!

My life with a miswired brain, a home business, and a 2-yr old.

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Too long…..

Good day all! Momma has missed you all! Too much has been going on in my life….so i will share.

First, as some of you have seen from my las post, my nephew passed away July 22. Gee after that it just got shittier.
My boyfriend of 3 years and I seperated…..then my sons father wants nothing to do with him…yeah, i see an application for child support going in soon, fucking jerk.
Thankfully, my parents have been gracious enough to offer me sanctuary whilst I find full time employment, a car and a home. I HAD a car, but the ex took that since it was in his name…..he chose to do so bc he could get an amazing rate through his work credit union. Ugh! Sometimes lif3 just throws curve balls too fast, and I havent learned how to duck out of the way yet, or smash it out of the park. Good news is though, that i have my big girl panties on and I’m  taking odd jobs so I can continue to give my son things he needs. Affection doesnt a thing but he already gets tons of that! β™‘β™‘β™‘
Anyway, yall are reading my blathering on and thinking I’m  a Jerry Springer reject and ya know what? Piss off, I like Maury Povich haha.
Yall have a blessed day and Carpe Diem forever!!!



My heart hurts. ..

Hello luvs!
I have missed you all! I am sorry for not writing in awhile but things got crazy with my job situation and then tragedy struck… mom called me at 530 am on July 22nd balling her eyes out. She just screamed out JC was killed in a car accident. My heart stopped…I couldnt breathe…I didnt want to believe what she was saying…I started screaming and crying….


JC is my 22 yr old nephew…great kid. Had so much love and life in him and he made friends everywhere. He lived life to the fullest and when he wanted something he made sure he got it. Worked hard and played harder.
Im writing this while tears are flowing down my face. I dont really have a lot of words to say because i am still dealing with the ‘why? How?’ And wishing I would wake up from this nightmare.
But I am not…and I am compelled to write…to write to all of you and tell you a message. We never know when our last day is going to be…so dont wait for happiness, go out and grab it. JC did.
I have been doing a lot of “life thinking” this last week and a half and I can honestly say I am not living enough and I am not happy. Everyone deserves happiness but we settle. Dont settle!
If you are because you dont want to make mistakes well “mistakes” are just lessons learned…and we cant make mistakes with taking chances….and the only chances we regret are the ones we didnt take.
I am sorry for being all philosophical but this tragedy has effected me deeply…and I want to let as many people as I know to get happy…I for one am starting…today…and tomorrow…making the changes I need to to make sure not only I am happy but my beautiful boy Jack is happy.
I am going to stop now because I am shaking…oh…never forget to tell those you care about that you love them…ever!

Love you all,

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Warning! I am not funny


Picture is courtesy of Selfie Sunday πŸ˜‰ Which is something I totally just made up hahaha

Hey ya’ll. I know I usually write pretty funny things…but tonight I do not feel that funny….

Last night I wrote this HUGE blog with videos, and pictures and hella funny stories…and just as I hit post, WordPress ate it….it is nowhere to be found! So tonight I’m just bitching about it…because now a chipmunk loose in my house and flying at my face just doesn’t sound as funny….

Ok, I will give you some awesomeness thought…my son learned how to jump finally AND ITS THE FUNNIEST SHIT IN THE WHOLE WORLD! I know I’m a little biased, but I have the cutest kid in the world….haha here is his video of him jumping

Isn’t he the greatest? haha Ok…I guess I won’t bitch too much, but I still don’t feel like rewriting all of what I did lastnight…a little butthurt and sulking…but here is what to expect : chipmunks, a naked guy and a 22 yr old guy hitting on me! woot woot! I’m 32! I told him he must like cougars πŸ˜‰

Ok, leaving you with a video of a song I love love love…

Love ya,



Guardian Angel?

Good afternoon everyone. I have a rather serious post for you all today. Momma is a little freaked and touched right now.
I returned home from my parents’ house several hours ago, waved at the neighbor across the street pulling weeds, and backed into my spot. I’m not in the house 5 minutes and I see several ambulances, a fire truck, and State Highway Patrol fly by my house and then apply brakes…I’m curious now.
I walk out in the front yard and see my neighbor just staring down the road. Traffic is stopped and no cars coming from the other direction. I walked over to her and as I was asking what was going on she throws her arms around me and says, “The car just 10 seconds behind you caused a 5 car accident…it doesnt look too good.” I got chills…and so sick to my stomach….she looked at me and said, “Honey…if you had been just 10 seconds later….oh lord, you have someone very awesome watching over you”
We hugged…and even though I am not religious we prayed for all involved with tears in our eyes. I then ran back inside, scooped up Jack and just held him. He was in the car with me on my way home. If anything would have happened to him I don’t know what I would do with myself. I sat there and cried as I watched 3 of the cars were towed away, completely totalled. The last of which had a baby seat hanging out of the mangled door/window. I almost got sick because that could have been us!
I do believe someone was watching and helped me leave my parents’ house at that time and not a second later. My mind is going crazy right now with all the what if’s. I am really aslo feelong my grandparents right now and my baby cousin Savannah…ah…such love!
So the point of me telling you all of this is to please hug your son, daughter, mother, father, boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend and tell them that you love them so much. You really do just never know what could happen…..none of us are guaranteed tomorrow.
Love you all,


“Throw the switches, turn the wheel, push the buttons, PET THE KITTY!!!”

I have determined that I no longer have a two year old. I have a bipolar dwarf. Terrible two’s have hit full on and my brain is sad and angry. FUCK YOU TERRIBLE TWO’S, I WANT MY BABY BACK! Oh yeah, so if you haven’t figured it out, this is a post about what I’m now dealing with on a daily basis. A demon who comes in the form of my adorable son, Jack. Image

It started maybe about a month ago, all of a sudden he’s starting to drop down to the ground when we are telling him no or asking him to come inside. He starts screaming and yelling and just falls to the floor and yells with an ear-piercing scream that is so loud that I’m pretty sure the neighbors have that we are killing him. I try to correct his behavior sternly saying, “We don’t act like that, Jack. Please stand up” yeah….that didn’t work. So I had started spanking for misbehaviors…yeah…he laughs and keeps doing whatever it is he’s not supposed to be doing, I get up to tell him he’s gonna get spanked and he hunkers down and keeps laughing…and flinches. I swat him on the butt, he stands up and then keeps doing it, LAUGHING! I do not think there is anything I can do to this kid that will sink it that that is unacceptable behavior and I get scared that people will see him flinching and squatting and think it’s normal behavior for him because I beat him. Trust me, I don’t like having to spank him…it breaks my heart a little everytime…especially the few times it DOES sink in and he puts his bottom lip out…starts pouting….quietly sobbing…and then cries….I die a little every time! Ugh, I’m getting sick just thinking about it.

Anyway, it’s now escalated to him screaming about EVERYTHING and falling anywhere to kick and scream. We took him to a park the other day to play and when It was time to leave to go watch the oh so awesome Jungle Terry, ( a guy with a lot of wild animals) he even screamed at Daddy and when Daddy picked him up he began flailing his arms and screaming at the top of his lungs, kicking and trying to bite him and hit him. We kept saying,”Jack, stop! We don’t act like that, calm down! We are going to go see lots of animals!” Trying to get him excited for that but it didn’t work. I was mortified by his behavior and all the people watching…I really am paranoid about the wrong person seeing shit and calling someone on me…overprotective mother. I don’t know what to do anymore and people say it only gets worse,….if this shit gets worse I’m going to be like that crazy cat lady from the fucking Simpsons!!

Wtf?? Some twat waffle is lying to me….there is NO way that this can go on for another year or more. I might have to get committed for going crazy.

Ok, done with THAT bitching…on to work. A new girl started with me, i like her…she makes me say stupid stuff a lot. Her first day she was telling me about her grandmother and how she had been on Hospice…I was checking restrooms while doing so and opened the guys bathroom to yell inside for any patrons and I yell, “Hospice!” We both about died laughing because I said it so serious. She looked at me and she’s like can’t be saying that too much, you’ll give an old man a heart attack! Ok, so that story was funnier if you were there, whatever, fml. Work is pretty fun when I’m with her though, I end up “masturbating’ keys…freaning clicking toilets and forgetting to put my golf cart in reverse, looking back and end up running into a bush in front of me πŸ™‚ Good times. You’d think I’m drunk at work with half the shit I do. Oh, and she’s now a fan of my blog, she thinks I’m super hilarious. I like people who think I’m funny πŸ˜€

Ok, I’m not done bitching about my the terrible two’s. My son also does this thing that I swear has given me VISIBLE motherfucking gray hairs….He’s being bad in public and just as I say, “Jack” in a very warning tone he runs up to me, wraps his arms around my legs and goes, “Awwwww” I know for sure some lady saw my eye twitching and my mouth going but no words were coming out….shit….maybe I already am crazy? How can a kid that is THAT cute be so evil and manipulative? I am just starting to tell people who notice the like 15 greys i have that they are stress highlights…new big thing πŸ˜‰ Oh! and the title haha, yeah, the title of this blog comes courtesy of Jack’s Leappad….he was playing around on one of the apps on it and it shouted, “Throw the switches! Turn the wheel! Push the buttons! PET THE KITTY!” I stopped talking to him and cooing with him, because it was bedtime and we were loving on one another, and my jaw dropped and I busted up laughing. He didn’t know why, but kept hitting repeat and we were both giggling by the end. I love nighttime…it’s when I have my baby…..I need another drink………

Good night ya’ll,

Love, Momma

Enjoy the video…this is how my life is right now haha

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Wow, some crazy asshole thinks I’m influential?? ;-)

ImageYes, dreams really do come true!! Wait…wtf movie is that line from?Anyway….

I was kindly nominate by Don Charisma for this, my very first award!! Yay! and go me that is just so happens to be a Most Influential? This man is smoking some good shit over there in Thailand, pass it on bud! Oh, While you are there please do read is amazing blog and check out his out of this world photography. This guy is amazing and an awesome virtual friend πŸ™‚ Helps me with shit on here a lot, too that I do not get. But hey Don! I managed to figure how to get it on my blog page all by myself!!!!! *stick tongue out* See? I got this shit….

All kidding aside, I’m very honored that he thinks my blogs are influential. After all, I DID post them to enlighten you all to life that is Andrea’s or Momma, however you decide to address me is fine. Just don’t call me a “see you next Tuesday” Remember, I DO sell stun guns and peppers sprays….I’m a boss ass bitch πŸ˜‰

Before I get to my nominations for who I think are Most Influential I want to take a time out to let you know what’s been going on in my life. My most awesome two-yr old Jack is counting to twelve, ( I may have already mentioned that but fuck you if you really care) and he’s recognizing shapes and telling me his abc’s (even if out of order) this kid is so awesome and I love being a mommy everyday!!! He started with this new thing today coming up to me and saying, “Mommy, want kiss! Want kiss!!” So I’d bend down, give him a smooch and he’d turn around and run away laughing going, “bye bye” and then he’d come back and do it again! We did this for about 20 mins while I’m trying to cook dinner and I was in tears from laughing by the end. I had to stop cutting the steak and peppers for kabobs or i thought I might hurt myself πŸ˜‰

I have also been working a lot and trying to attend events for my lovely Damsel In Defense (yeah, that’s right, I add a fucking link! booyah!) ok and Jack’s father and I had a brief falling out. I was a single mom for a few days and didn’t know what to do with myself. I was feeling destroyed and putting everything I had into Jack and this new job. I barely slept, lost a few pounds (not that I didn’t need to,Β  but it was in an unhealthy way) and feeling beat down. Just for him to come to me and finally fight for me…something I had wanted from the beginning, let me know you care! He had been calling my parents asking what he should do, he doesn’t want to lose me. This man went and scheduled counseling for us…COUNSELING!! My heart was so overwhelmed I couldn’t help but cry. I figured if he’s going through this much trouble this mf’er really does care and I will do this. I love the bastard, but man….we had some rough times. Albeit, I never really got to know him because, (go me) we got pregnant one of the very first times we had sex a month into dating. THAT SHIT REALLY DOES HAPPEN FOLKS! I’M A STATISTIC! This after 8 1/2 yrs with my ex and thinking I couldn’t get pregnant. Anyway…needless to say, momma did not leave daddy and we are working on bettering our lives and effectively communicating….and dating πŸ™‚ It’s pretty freakin awesome to be DATED again πŸ™‚

Ok, so anyway, now to my Influential Bloggers….I would like to nominate

1. Danielle with Kuukisu Art (Wonderful woman with a wonderful heart)

2. The Hillbilly Blogger! This guy is hilarious and has a pull on my heart since I’m a little hillbilly!!!!

3. Don Charisma (You don’t not have to do this all again, Don, I just wanted to nominate you because you are very much an influential and awesome person!)

4. Affatshionista! Being a bigger girl myself I love seeing what kind of awesome outfits this lady can bang out!

5. LEGO Shenanigans………need I say more?

6. James RadcliffeΒ  (this guys music puts you into baby making music mood, what a voice!)

7. HarsH ReaLiTy (because this guy is NOT afraid to be himself and has great conversation πŸ™‚ )

8. EthanYarbroughWritesΒ  I love reading this guys blogs and his adventures with kids, very funny and great writer!

9. Paul πŸ™‚ Great guy I have know for more than half my life, he and his husband are good people’s!!!!!!

10. Last but not least….Emails to God (THIS GUY EFFIN CRACKS ME UP!! ) If you think i’m foul mouthed don’t read this guy’s shit!

Conditions For Accepting The Award

To accept this award, the awardee must do the following:

  1. Display the Award on your Blog.
  2. Announce your win with a blog post and thank the Blogger who awarded you. DoΒ not lump this award with any other award in a β€œbasket”, β€œbouquet” or β€œcollection” etc, I would rather you didn’t accept the award.
  3. Present 10 deserving Bloggers with the Award.
  4. Link your awardees in the post and let them know of their being awarded with a comment (or a pingback).
  5. Include an embedded video of your current favorite song

Okay…and now for my fave song (of the moment) Room to Breathe – You Me At Six

Enjoy. I dig them πŸ˜‰

Okay, I’m going to bed…







I’m bringing sexy back! Shits…it’s already been broughten!

Hi my loves!!! I’m so sorry that I haven’t been on in toooooo long. I started work for a local campground for a little extra spending cash and boy…I’m their slave now!

Anyway, a lot has been happening the last couple weeks besides working! My big man is counting to 12 (YAY!!!) and he’s only 2 yrs and 4 months!! 3 months premature…such a little smarty…thank goodness he takes after me!!!

My brain has been getting me laughs at work…there is a huge problem with Meth in the county, and unfortunately we see a lot of the individuals. My second day on the job we were all standing under and awning ready to start the day when we noticed this guy ride up in a bike all happy and talking to himself…then he starts singing….then yelling and falls off his bike…gets up, sings and starts twitching all around laughing again….we were all just staring and before my filter could work I just blurted out, “Meth…it’s a hell of a drug” I was embarrassed i just said that in front of my boss but he turns to me, starts laughing out loud and said, “I knew there was a reason I wanted to hire you besides your looks” and pats me on the back. So of course I start laughing too. Made me feel good…I’m the only woman amongst a bunch of men ( I know…poor me, right?) So for them to get a laugh, made me feel about 10 feet tall instead of 5 haha

In other news…my son has decided that he LOOOOVVVEESSS Happy by Pharrell…he’s started dancing to it and oh the videos are hilarious!!!

…he cracks me up.!!!!!! He definitely got some moves from his mama!!!! I included the song for all of your enjoyment πŸ™‚ I can’t help but to dance to it also πŸ™‚ I’m now so happy. I know I provided links for things…I’m still trying to figure out how to get this all just on here…bear with me! Or fucking teach me. If you don’t like it…don’t read my shit then!
I can’t stop dancing now….damnit…and I need to go to bed.
I’m also hungry…I need chocolate! Ya know…my randomness reminds me of a pic…


Ok..night ya’ll.

Love ya’s,